Ma vhenan Ir abelas Mala suledin nadas
by Superagaentv
Summary: My heart, I am sorry. Now you must endure. He could no longer remember who these words were for; himself or her. He missed the light that guided him; but he would rather die than turn back now.
1. Chapter 1

**I have my fingers crossed for a Wolf Hunt DLC, in which I think something might happen like this. **

**_Epilogue_**

A cry in the night, a sound that had come to haunt her, and the felt her feet touch the floor as she stood; weariness evident on her. The baby quietened when it felt his mother's touch, and she smiled. "Ma vhenan." She whispered, stroking his cheek with a finger as he babbled back into a dream.

"Ahhh baby's awake." Sera groaned, moving in her spot in the bed. "It's a good thing yer pretty or –"

"Go back to sleep Sera, he's fine." Vaeila replied, and Sera mumbled an elegant response before falling back asleep. Sera the brat, the child; the only friend who stayed with her after Solas had left, helped her through the fear and hurt when she learned she was pregnant – Sera the selfless. Vaeila turned her head to see the elf sleeping, sprawled out in the bed with a pillow covering her head.

The baby babbled, shifting Vaelia's attention back to her child. "Ar lasa mala revas." She whispered, while the heavy burden flooded her senses. This child would be no Dalish, no home or clan to go to, and he would not be a product of the Inquisition. Once, before he was born – she thought about giving up, her days were listless and grey; no sunlight did she feel, or food have taste. No, the baby should have a normal life; free from his mother's legacy.

"You gunna sleep yea?" Sera asked in a muffled tone, and Vaeia nodded in response, covering her child with a blanket before walking back to the bed.

"Thank you Sera." Vaeila whispered as she sat on the edge of the bed, an ache in her chest for a person who had long since abandoned her.

"Whadya thanking me for." The girl replied, removing the pillow from her face. "You saved the bloody word and then that egghead ran off and left ya. You needed me, yea?"

"I mean…" Vaeila sighed, running her hand along a scar on her face that had healed badly after the confrontation. "Thank you for helping me get him away."

"I still don't like it, kids should have parents." Sera replied curtly, yawning loudly and not bothering to cover her mouth. "If I ever see that egghead again –

"We won't." Vaeila whispered. "He's gone. I can't even feel him anymore." Unconsiously she touched her heart where the void lay, her eyes no longer held the sparkle; and the merciful and kind Inquisitor had faded; secrets and an army the size of Orlais kept her power now – blood would run if anyone attempted to disrupt the peace they had established.

"Then he's a right daft twit. Who abandon's their lover right after they save the ruddy world." Sera mused, watching her friend carefully. Vaeila was a mage, and the possibility for her to sink into a demonic possession had been in question during the height of the Inquisition, but now the mighty leader was crumbling inside – even her child could not keep her here. "You sure this is what you want?"

"Yes." Vaeila replied softly, looking over to where her baby slept. "Who better to keep him safe than a Grey Warden."

"Ruddy Hero of Ferelden no less." Sera giggled. "At least he won't grow up too elfy, yea?"

"No, he won't grow up elfy at all." The Inquisitor repeated, her eyes still on the baby.

"What if he does come back?"

"Who?" Vaeila asked absent mindedly.

"Vaeila." Sera's voice changed, and she reached out to touch her friend's shoulder – making her jump. "You're doing that weird thing again – you know, like you aren't there."

"Sorry Sera." Vaeila offered a half smile, but it faded. "What was the question?"

"What if he does come back?" Sera repeated, watching the woman's eyes flicker in hope for a moment – they never lingered there.

"He won't. He just won't." Vaeila said softly. "I always knew there was something he wasn't telling me Sera, something he was holding back. But I thought at least he would remain as my friend, but he couldn't. That's how I know, he left because he couldn't bear to be near me. I just wish I knew why."

"Stupid dumb egghead." Sera offered, and the Inquisitor nodded as she stood, crossing her arms as she walked to a window; a bird flying into view.

Vaeila went to the door, opening it slightly and holding up her arm for the crow to land on. The wind blew her long blond hair, once partly shaved like most of her clan – now it hung as one length, falling down her back. The crow landed, his talons digging into her arm, but she didn't mind the pain.

A note was presented, and she unrolled it, almost dropping the bird as she felt her world shift beneath her feet. **_Inquisitor, my dear, I felt like you should be the first to know. We found him._**

_Found._

"Is it from red?" Sera asked from the doorway, and Vaeila turned her head to opened her mouth and paused, closing her lips as tears started falling down her cheeks. The Inquisitor held out the note, and the elf girl stepped forward to take it – reading it carefully before looking back up at her friend. "This is legit yea?"

Vaeila nodded, wrapping her free arm around herself. She had no words – two years with no sign he was even alive …then this? "Yea." She whispered, the crow giving her a look.

"Do you still want to go ahead with this?" Sera asked softly, her eyes darting to where the child lay sleeping. The Inquisitor said nothing, she just stood in the soft night air like a statue. "It's not to late to turn back, hero-smero, I say we make a break for Skyhold before dawn. That's surprise them ya?"

"No Sera, I can't keep him." Vaeila replied softly, shaking her head as she moved past the girl into the small cabin, putting the bird down on a ledge as she quickly wrote something for it to take back.

"I miss that egghead." Sera said softly, "I think he misses you too." Vaeila stopped writing, tear drops staining the paper. "Remember how he always had your back in each fight, he may be a big elfy twit – but he never let you get hurt."

"Sera…" Vaeila started, but the girl cut her off.

"Why not go and talk to him?" Sera asked, looking back down at the message. "It was the elfy lover who found him right?"

"Zevran."

"Ya, him." Sera said, flipping the paper over. "He and the Hero are all lovey dovey, so they probably found him together. You should go, if only to give him a swift kick in the pants, yea?"

Vaeila shivered, unsure of what to do as she glanced over at her child. "If I go, you must promise me one thing Sera."

Sera giggled, making a crazy gesture. "Anything for you, yea."

"Let me go alone."

"And miss all the action?" Sera snorted, crossing her arms over her chest as she shook her head. "Whose going to kick his ass on your behalf?'

"Sera."

"Fine." Sera grumbled. "But I want details, yea?"

"Ma serannas."

"Ugh, enough with the elfy stuff."

/

"Aneth ara. I didn't think you were still coming." The Warden Commander stood from her place by the fire, her long red hair tied back in a messy bun, her pointed ears visible to any who watched her. Zevran poked his head out of the tent and offered the Inquisitor a smile that was dashing as always.

"A pleasure Inquisitor." He said, and Vaeila bowed her head in respect to the couple. The Warden Commander's eyes went to the child in the arms of her companion, flickering back to the Inquisitor herself.

"I almost didn't." Vaeila admitted as she extended her hand. "Did you journey well?"

"Very." The Warden Commander smiled, gesturing to Zevran inside the tent. "Zevran is just putting Nelen to sleep."

"I thought you said she wasn't very elfy." Sera asked, watching the Warden Commander. "That sounds pretty elfy to me."

The Warden Commander chuckled and shrugged. "It is, I have been a Grey Warden for twelve years now but I still like the sounds of the elvhen names. My first born is named after a very old friend of mine; Merrill."

"How many do you have?" Sera asked and the Warden Commander touched her abdominal area with a pat.

"Almost three." She whispered, giving them both a wink. "But that is a secret, for now."

"I appreciate this greatly." Vaeila said softly, her eyes flickering to the child and the Warden held up a hand.

"You need to think this through, Lethallan." The Warden spoke softly. "It is a heavy burden to give up a child."

"I understand Commander."

"Eidioh, please." The Warden replied, offering them a seat by the fire. "I just urge you to reconsider, lethallan, at least until you see him."

"She's having none of it." Sera said, cradling the baby to her chest protectively. "I said the same thing, didn't I yea?"

"Yes, you did." Vaeila replied, pushing back the hood of her cloak so the Warden could see her face.

"What is his name?" The Warden asked as Zevran appeared from the tent, touching his wife's shoulder gently while placing a kiss on the crown of her head.

"Alathen." Vaeila said softly, looking over at her baby; missing the look exchanged between the Warden and her husband.

"Mi amour, the day light is fading; should we perhaps show the Inquisitor the way?" Zevran asked, his fingers entwined with his wife's and she offered him a smile.

"We can, if she is so inclined." The Warden replied and the Inquisitor gave her answer. "Are you coming Sera?"

"Can't yea, been forbidden to tag along." Sera grumbled and the Warden nodded slowly, whispering something to Zevran before nodding to the Inquisitor.

"Zevran will lead you on Inquisitor, I will stay here with Sera." The Warden offered, sitting back down as her husband stood waiting for the Inquisitor. Vaeila stood, walking over easily to the elf who matched her stride easily.

He was tall for an elf, and very handsomely featured; silver had started spreading in his blond hair – giving him an more mature and almost seductive look. His features did not have that much wear on them, he had few lines and wrinkles, laugh lines around his mouth perhaps were the only prominent thing. "Ah, yes, my face is very handsome, is it not." He drawled, and Vaeila flushed at her rudeness.

"You don't look like you survived a blight." She said quickly, and he laughed.

"Ah, you mean I don't look old or decrepit. I have had very good fortune, my dear Inquisitor, for I was quite young when I was sent to kill all surviving Grey Wardens, and instead the Maker sent me to her – it is she I have to thank for my youthful appearance."

"Really?" She asked, blinking at him with a smile on her face.

"I do not know how old you think she is, but I first met Eidioh shortly after the battle of Ostagar; she was not more than 16 or 17."

"I grew up hearing stories of her, a Dalish hero." Vaeila commented, and the elf beside her chuckled.

"Ah, yes, it makes for a great tale, does it not." He said, a happy tone to his voice.

"Have you always loved her?" Vaeila asked, and he gave her a glance that seemed to warm her spirit.

"Not one day passes that I am not grateful for failing that mission, young Inquisitor. She is what the Dalish call, ma vhenan'ara."

"Your hearts desire." Vaeila mused, nodding to herself. "You are very lucky."

"Indeed." He stated, putting out a hand to stop her. She looked out at this place was foreign to her, an oasis of sorts that held a temple much like the Temple of Pride she had found in Orlais.

"He is in there." She whispered, a fuzzy familiar feeling burning in her chest. Zevran watched her, touching her arm as she started to move forward.

"Go with caution, Inquisitor, he is not an ordinary man." He said softly, eyes flickering to a darker place. Eidioh had insisted they not tell her in what form they had seen him; a great wolf that then changed into the form of a man; such power emanated from him that made his beloved question.

"Ma serannas." She offered and he made a gesture to say he would wait for her. She walked toward the place, careful to note her surroundings as she grasped her staff defensively. The door opened with no noise, and she felt the cold chill on her skin as she shut it behind her. A torch burned in the darkness, at least someone had been here recently.

She walked silently, picking up a torch of her own and putting her staff on her back in a secure manner. The walls held many runes, as well as other strange markings. A she walked, she felt the changes in air and the shift in magic; she could feel the strength of the veil here.

_Wooop woop, yep the veil is weaker here._

Sera's voice filtered through her mind, mimicking what Solas had used to say on their adventures. She was excited to see him, and scared; what if he pushed her away again? What is he found out about the baby - he did have a nasty habit of knowing things before they happened.

A noise up ahead gave her pause, and she slowed her pace as a voice seemed to be saying something in the distance. Vaeila walked along the wall, her hand running over the grooves and markings as she came closer to the destination. Switching which hand held the torch, she looked carefully around the corner – a room was enveloped in light from various torches burning; a startling painting was on the main wall.

A dark wolf with eyes that glowed purple had been painted in a half moon shape, the other part of the moon was a man, eyes sharing the burning colour as he seemed to be holding something in his hands. It looked…strangely familiar and yet she had no idea exactly what she was seeing. Glancing at the rest of the room, there were statues of the Dread Wolf in the corners, and she moved her eyes back to the paining once more.

Stepping into the room, she walked closer to the painting, her eyes finding things within the image she had not seen before. In the man's hand was an orb, forming the center of the moon; a strange green colour she knew all to well. She knew, whether or not she wanted to admit it, that it was the orb that had been used to inflict her own mark.

A word was painted beneath the mural, ad she squinted at the faded writing; _Fen'Harel's_ _solas._ She swallowed, the elvhen word for pride; how could she have forgotten it was the Dread Wolf's trademark. Her fingers lightly touched the wall, closing her eyes as a sinking feeling went into her heart. "It's not possible." _Was all of it a lie?_ She wondered, her skin starting to tingle as the realization of what it could all mean.

If it was possible, then – he was responsible for the Blights, the enslavement of the elves, and the return of the Blights after 400 years of peace. The thought made her feel sick – and she had had his child, she had loved and trusted him with all her might. _It is just a legend, what if the truth was different?_ Then why was he so angry about the Well of Sorrows?

She turned around as she felt her hands become unsteady. Moving back into the hallway, Vaeila continued onward; her heart in her throat as she thought of all their moments together. He was always holding something back, always keeping her at bay; Cole had said something about an old hurt – _ancient more like._

She rounded a corner and felt herself gasp, dropping the torch as she did so as she watched a giant wolf like figure mold into a elvhen form, eyes glowing just like the painting. His head turned to her and she covered her mouth as Fen'Harel's eyes met her own – eyes she knew as well as her own. He looked so different, he felt overpowering with a magic she didn't know, and a sharpness to his gaze that frightened her.

"Andaran atish'nan." He said softly, his voice carried despite the low volume of sound. "Ma vhenan."


	2. Chapter 2

It was never intentional, and yet the more he tried to suppress it; the more it grew. He sat in his room, staring the paint pallet on his new desk, in his new room wondering what to paint on the bare walls. She was so strong, a literal light in the darkness, a mage of un-paralleled skill, even if she was Dalish. Her eyes often flickered between hazel and dark brown, the light tanned colour of her skin framed her freckles. She had acted so bravely in Haven, suffered more injuries than he could imagine; yet he knew she was not dead – he refused to believe it.

The image of her crawling towards them, hand on her ribs as blood and dirt was frozen on her face. She looked so different, her normally black lips were a strange grey and her eyes lacked all their sparkle, several new scars on her face and hands to solidify the event. He had watched as Cullen picked her up as she collapsed in the snow, her body looked limp as he rushed her back to camp, where he himself could only watch and sigh in relief.

_"__I am Solas, if we are to do introductions." He said, bowing his head slightly and the elf's lips curled slightly upwards, her eyes holding a mischievous sparkle to them._

_"__He means, 'I kept the mark from killing you as you slept.'" Varric commented, and she laughed; covering her mouth as she did so, her eyes flickering to him._

_"__Well," She said, clearing her throat as she glanced at Cassandra who was glaring at Varric, "Thank you."_

_He watched as she turned to look up at the Breach, a frown forming on her face as she winced in pain. She wore a Dalish tattoo over her left eye, dark in colour that was a stark contrast to her light freckled skin. She had soft reddish blonde hair that was wild on her head, the sides shaved. Her eyes were large, the colour seemed to flicker on the light as he talked to Cassandra; watching him with a gaze that unsettled him – he had never met another creature outside the Face that looked at him like that; all knowing._

_As they headed off, she stayed behind for a moment, looking up as she bit her bottom lip. "This way, down here, the road ahead is blocked." The Seeker called out, and the elf turned her head in their direction; he felt their eyes lock with a force, forcing himself to look away. It unnerved him; he did not understand what power she could have that would affect him so._

Even as he reflected, he did not know; perhaps he idolized her as so many did, or perhaps he knew her so completely that he felt almost naked without her. She had touched his shoulder once in Haven, shortly after she had temporarily sealed the Breach. It had been so natural an action, one he saw her do with the others many times since, but it had been as if the air was knocked out of his lungs. It was so simple, yet so confounding.

She constantly asked him questions, and while he answered she always held the same look on her face; she was studying his reactions and expressions, absorbing his knowledge as much as she was critiquing it. When she asked about the ancients, he had reacted foolishly – and she had rebuked him easily enough for his quickness to judge – perhaps it was then that he truly began to admire her. No one else bothered to question him, they silently disagreed with him but never told him plainly that he was wrong – which she seemed to do often enough.

The differences did not seem so important, she constantly surprised him with her openness to learn from him, even going so far to admit her own faults…and that made it even more dangerous to continue talking with her. Now he was struggling, his inner turmoil threatened to destroy everything he now cared for – his one chance to be known so completely by another being who gave her heart readily to him, but never once asked what was lingering.

_"__You aren't telling me everything." She whispered, it was soft like a feather on the wind. He turned around to see her shadow passing underneath the door, it shutting ever so slightly. He stepped toward the door way, and the shadow seemed to disappear._

_"__Lavellan?" He asked, opening the door slightly and she seemed to jump; taking a step back with an awkward grin on her face._

_"__Ah." She chuckled, "Right, well."_

_"__Did you say something?" He asked, and he saw the look flash across her face and it made him ache._

_"__Yes." She admitted, watching as he beckoned her to come inside. She hesitated and he narrowed his eyes, seeing the trembling in her jaw that usually meant she was nervous. "It's not important."_

_"__It is if you came all the way here in the middle of the night." He stated with a half smile, and she looked away. "Tell me."_

_"__Solas." She whispered, reaching out a hand to him, taking it he pulled her through the door way, shutting it lightly as he felt her hand grip his with a unusual level of strength. He walked with her into the main area of his quarters, watching as her face became more unreadable._

_"__What was it you wished to say?" He asked, touching her face lightly if only to satisfy his own craving for her touch._

_"__I know…" She started, pain flashed through her eyes and she backed away. "I know you aren't telling me everything." She finally whispered, and he felt his lips form a line as he leaned back on the desk; his eyes hardening._

_"__How do you mean?" He replied, a cold sort of anger creeping into his voice._

_"__You know too much." She replied, her voice turning steely as she spoke. "The others don't know enough about elven culture to see it, but I do."_

_"__What exactly are you suggesting?"_

_"__I don't know!" She barked, her voice shaky. "I don't know what it is, I only know that you are not exposing all that you are."_

_"__I am sorry you feel that way." He sniffed, standing to move away as she grasped his arm tightly; not letting him avoid it._

_"__Stop treating me like an enemy Solas." She whispered, stepping closer. "You fight against me, no matter how hard I try to understand." Her eyes searched his own for a sign, understanding or acceptance. "Won't you trust me?"_

_He stayed silent, his features stony as she waited for his; but non would come. In part he was angry for this intrusion of his space, she hardly knew him. They had been at Haven for almost half a year, and she had been finding more and more ways to invade his space. "I do not know how you expect me to trust or relate to a Dalish." The look in her eyes hurt him far more than he could have known, and she released his arm._

_"__Alright. I understand." She spoke softly, shaking her head as she muttered something about her own stupidity. "I won't bother you again." She turned to go to the door, but she stopped, turning her head over her shoulder. "I hope you can forgive my heritage enough for us to be friends."_

_"__Wait." He heard his own voice say, "I should not have-_

_"__I'll wait." She cut him off with a small smile, "Until the day you can trust me, with whatever it is." She left then, and he was left with a void that he neither understood nor wanted._

He sighed at the thought, rubbing his eyes; almost never asked. She had been true to her word, she had never again brought up the subject; but he often caught her watching him with that look – it made him want to tell her everything, to ask her to understand what it was he had to do. A knock at the door made him look up, turning to leave his chair as he called out indicate the door was open.

"Do you have a moment?" The voice asked, her pretty face appearing in the light not moments after.

"Oh course, Inquisitor." He replied and she winced, rubbing her arm with a half smile.

"I wish you wouldn't call me that."

"Why not, you have earned the title." Solas said, offering her a seat to which she declined. She had bandages on her ribs still, he could tell from the way she favored her one side, and her one wrist was still healing from the fracture.

"That title that no more defines who I am than apostate defines you." She replied and he smiled as she did so. "I much prefer it if you would all just use my name."

"Halam'shivanas." He stated, and she rolled her eyes at him.

"Very funny."

"If you insist I will call you Levellan." Solas said, giving her a slight bow of the head.

"You won't call me Vaeila?" She asked with a sigh. "I should know better by now than to dream of such things." The elf offered him a smile, and her stepped forward to gasp her arm lightly.

"Do you have a minute?" He whispered, almost a growl in his throat as their eyes met. She nodded, a smile starting on her lips. "I wish to show you something."

"Ma nuvenin." She replied softly. He smiled at her, a tender, kind of vulnerable, smile that made her pause, his fingers linking in her own that made it hard to focus on words. "What is it you wish to show me?"

"Come." He said, his voice a throaty sound he rarely heard echo from these lips. She simply smiled at him, walking along side him easily as he felt the surge of emotions once again; and it was through her smile and touch he knew – he was whole. The loneliness he found sanctuary in seemed to linger no longer when she was near, her smile brightened any room and her touch made him complete. _It is not possible for me to be in love. It is not._ He glanced at her as she followed his instructions, her eyes shutting as she moved into the fade with him so easily that it made him proud. _Ma vhenan._


	3. Chapter 3

**_Epilogue_**

"I should have known you would find me."

Vaelia lowered her hand from her mouth, so many emotions in her at that moment. She had never once stopped loving him, worrying for him; even though she knew he had lied about it all, even though Leliana said he had betrayed them – she couldn't bring herself to stop loving him. But in this moment, her heart felt like a darkness had finally taken hold – more terrifying than the Breach. Liar. Murderer. "Yes." She heard her own voice, it sounded like a whisper on the breeze.

He was watching her, just as always did back then. Vaelia did not look away, she could feel the power he held now, it was strong and wild. "I should explain." There – a hint of the voice she had known, soft and spoken without hesitation.

"No." Her own voice again, and she found herself lifting her head up as she took a step forward – her cloak flowing around her ankles. She stopped when there was little distance between them, reaching out and touching his cheek softly – one…last…time. As she watched his eyes, the flow of power there she realised she could never feel him again – he was cut off to her because that man was a lie, a phantom. This was what pride had wrought.

He could see the shift in her, a coldness enclosing her eyes as her fingers left his skin and she turned away. The girl who had always asked questions, always known he was hiding a part of himself away and trusted him still – waiting for the truth; and she was turning away. He grabbed her quickly, like he done long ago, bring their lips together that stirred a fire within him. His hand in her hair and the other around her waist – but she didn't respond. "I owe you that much."

She stepped out of his grasp, and turned away once more, words stinging him more than a knife ever could. "I do not know you." Her head was facing the exit, she was fighting back angry tears behind her cold demeanor. She started walking towards the door as she heard his footsteps.

"Yes you do." He whispered, like a snake.

"Be gone demon, do not tempt me with your lies." She stated, spinning to face him as he came up to her – hurt in his eyes was real enough. "I grow impatient with your notions of what I know."

"Be angry, Vaelia, but do not degrade me – it is beneath you." He said, his voice stern and she sighed ever so lightly.

"What am I to say?" She asked, looking at the ceiling of the temple. "I fell in love with a phantom." She said quietly, closing her eyes as a soft fleeting smile graced her features. He ached for that full smile, the look of blonde hair scattered across the pillow as he put his arms around her, and bright eyes turning to say good morning as they awakened from sleep. "You can not love a ghost." She whispered, shaking her head.

"Vaelia." He spoke softly and she turned to his and raised her marked hand, it started to glow. She too, had grown stronger. A fierceness lay within her he admired, but now it was fueled by a coldness the Inquisitor had never had – not willingly.

"Don't." She raised her hand higher, feeling the power draw though her even stronger. "No words sweet talker." She whispered, and he could feel the warmth of her touch no his skin still, the smell of the forest and herbs she used. "I am the Inquisitor, slayer of dragons and conqueror of the Fade. Gods tremble before me, and fall before my sword."

He raised his chin, meeting her eyes that were frozen, sending a chill to his spine as he saw a tear leak out, traveling down her cheek. "Ma vhenan." He said, taking a step closer.

"Do not tempt me Solas." She hissed, her words choked. " I mean - Fen'Harel - " She could no longer fight back the tears that were threatening to fell. "I watched the gate everyday, just in case." She whispered, "I could feel you for the longest time – and then – just like a void." She closed her eyes, shaking the emotions away as he approached. "I needed you." She let the words escape, shivering as he approached.

He engulfed her in his arms, pressing her head into her chest – crushing her with his might as they sunk to the floor. "I know." He whispered, kissing the top of her head as he closed his eyes, hearing the choked sob as she struggled to fight against him. "I have missed you too, Ma vhenan, and I'm sorry."

_/_

_"Haven?" Her heard was swirling as she walked in that familiar place, he could see the troubled look in her eyes – pain and guilt. Regardless, she was something to be marvelled at – she had come here so easily and her force was something to be reckoned with. "Why here?"_

_"Haven is familiar. It will always be important to you." He replied, stopping and waiting for her to join him. She seemed to be taking in everything, those large eyes not leaving anything overturned – including himself, she locked her gaze with his and he had to turn away._

_"We talked about it already" She replied, matching his stride. _

_Solas turned his head slightly, catching a glance at her face as he directed her to the cell in which she had been kept in so long ago. They walked in silence, her hand sometimes brushed his own as she was absented looking at the place around her. _

_As they reached the bottom of the stairs, he touched her shoulder and she turned to face him. Removing his hand from her warmth, he could still feel the warmth, clasping his hands behind his back. "I sat beside you while you slept, studying the anchor." _

_Vaelia narrowed her eyes as she stepped forward, touching the bars lightly as she felt her own memories and the pain she had felt when the mark had been unstable. How many times had she come so close to death…"I am glad someone was watching over me." Her voice as soft as a feather._

_"You were a mystery…" He replied, words slipping out before he thought them through. "You still are." She turned her head so watch him, and Solas continued with the facts. "I ran every test there I could image, searched the fade yet found nothing." He walked over to her, looking in the cell with the memories he held, the mark had held such an interest to him – the elf who lay there with her pale skin and fight for life. "Cassandra suspected duplicity, she threatened to have me expected as an apostate if I did not produce results."_

_"Cassandra is like that with everyone." Vaelia replied, a slight smile on her face as she recalled her first interaction with the Seeker. _

_Solas laughed, always saying the truth as she saw it. "Yes" He touched her arm again as an indication to follow him, and she did after a moment. As they walked back outside, he began speaking once more._

_"You were never going to walk up, how could you, a mortal sent physically through the Fade?." He shook his head, looking up. "I was frustrated, frightened, the spirits I might have consulted had been driven away by the Breach." He paused and he could feel her stop behind him. "Although I wished to help, I had no faith in Cassandra – or she in me. I was ready to flee." _

_"If you'd run Cassandra would have been certain of your guilt. She would have hunted you down." Vaelia stated calmly, secretly very grateful for him not leaving._

_"You are likely right." He whispered, walking forward as he continued. "I told myself, one more attempt to seal the rifts. I tried and failed." He raised his hand to the sky, shaking his head as he brought it back down. "No ordinary magic would affect them. I watched the rifts expand and grow, resigned myself to flee and then - " He remembered the first time he had seen her, taking her hand and forcing the mark to work – and she could manipulate the mark far better than he could ever have guessed. _

_He turned around, watching her face as she was remembering it all with much less enjoyment. "It seems you hold the key to our salvation." She smiled, shaking her head with a sigh as he continued. "You had sealed it with a gesture….. And right then I felt the whole world change."_

_She turned her head slowly to look back at him, watching is face as emotions she had never seen fell on his features. "Felt the whole world change?" She asked softly, was it even possible he felt the same?_

_"A figure of speech." He said smoothly, and he say the hurt that flashed in her eyes. _

_She smiled and shook her head at his own remark, retorting with her own. "I am aware of the metaphor. I am more interested in 'felt'." She stepped closer, watching him with that intense gaze that he felt deep within his soul._

_"You change….everything." He whispered. _

_"Sweet talker." She replied softly, touching his arm lightly – and it burned on his skin like she did in his heart. The was a moment's pause, and she did nothing and he looked away and started to move – when she did something unexpected. She took a hold of his cheek so softly, turning his face to hers and she touched her lips to his, a feeling like nothing before swept over him._

_She stepped back and he watched her, shaking his head as he grabbed her arm – smiling as he ran his fingers through her hair, his other hand griping her waist tightly as he kissed her – she gasped in surprise, but she closed her eyes and moaned involuntarily into the kiss. He had never before felt the same type of passion he could feel here; it took all his might to pull himself back after several minutes of breathless kisses. And even then he could not leave it there, kissing her one last time, and it made her smile – her eyes lighting up and it mad his knees weak in the most dreadful way. _

_"We shouldn't, it isn't even right, not even here." He panted, and she caught her breath before he responded. _

_"What do you mean, not even here?" _

_He smiled, touching her face softly. "Where do you think we are?" _

_She backed up, looking around as if in a panic. "This isn't even real."_

_He chuckled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "That's a matter of debate. It is best to discuss when you wake up." _

_He awoke in his desk chair, a smile on his face as he touched his lips – her touch lingered there, as it did on any place her fingers had found. It was sweet and careless of him, two emotions entering into his mind at one time, and yet it was right – her body against his in a heat of passion. He heard footsteps and he stood, seeing a flushed face and a sweet smile enter his chamber lit up his heart. _


	4. Chapter 4

"Ir abelas" He whispered, stroking her hair softly as she struggled less and less. "Ir abelas, ma vhenan." He could feel the her fighting, he knew that pain. How many times had he come close to her, watching her from a far. She still burned brightly in the Fade, she still pulled him from his task. "Ir tel'him" She knew the meaning, but who living today knew truly what that meant. Who was Fen'Harel, who was the man behind the legends, this man who started the Blights by betraying the gods.

"Ma emma vhenan'ara." She whispered, inwardly cursing her own emotions, shivering in his arms as she tried her best to hate him for what he was; liar, betrayer, god, man, lover, scholar, wanderer, heartbreaker. And yet she could not more hate him than she could hate her child born of him.

"Ma emma sa'lath." He replied, and she felt the tears flow faster as he held her there, her hands going around him as she gripped him so hard he smiled. "Vaeila." He gently pulled her away, touching her cheek as he whipped away the tears, those brown eyes reflecting his own loneliness and pain, and he admired the faint flickering of hope and trust that lingered there. He leaned in, softly touching his lips to hers and he felt her shiver, her lips quivering as she returned the kiss hesitantly.

It did not take long for the kiss to reflect their passions, yet she still was forcing herself to hold back and he felt the rush of guilt for making her afraid. For that is what it was, fear of hurt, fear of being thrown away again and fear of what he now was – or what he had returned to be. Slowly, he let his hands run over the slender curves of her body; a moment he had only been able to recall and ache for. She felt the same, and yet different; she had trained harder and longer and her body reflected that dedication, but there was something else.

When his fingers grazed her chest, she hissed in pain – a sound he had heard her make on the battle field far too often not to recognize. He pulled away, looking at her with an odd unreadable expression.

"Ir annala for ros…" She whispered and he nodded softly, not forgetting the issue that had just arisen.

"And yet you found it." He spoke, tilting his head as he frowned softly at her. 'Are you hurt, ma vhenan?" He whispered, touching her face softly once more as he kept one arm firmly around her. She could feel the power shifting in him, watching him as he was thinking – and she did not know if she could successfully lie to him about why her chest would be sore. She inwardly rebuked her self for not feeing the baby right before she came, it would have given her a few more hours before her breasts really started to hurt severely again – especially in the armour.

"No." She said, not blinking or letting her voice waver.

"Are you so afraid of me that you would lie?" He whispered, and she closed her eyes and shook her head.

"For no such reason." She replied, placing a hand on his chest. "I bare no injuries of late."

"For that I am glad." He replied, watching her as she bit her bottom lip as she looked away. "Ma vhenan –

"What….what am I to call you?" She whispered, the ache of pain etched into her voice as she spoke. "Perhaps this is all a dream, like it always is – where I wake alone to hear the b…" She sighed, covering her face with her free hand. "I don't know what to believe."

"I am real, ma vhenan." He said softly, his mind travelling through all the possibilities. "This is no dream." He pulled her close to his chest again, letting her head rest just above his heart. "Listen, this can not lie to you." She closed her eyes, feeling his hand on hers as he lifted her left hand up, entwining their fingers as he hummed a soft song that stung in her heart. He had hummed it when he thought she was asleep, and she had hummed it to their child.

"I did not come alone." She whispered, and he nodded but kept humming, holding her close until she stopped shaking. Eventually she did let go of the breath she was holding, closing her eyes as she listened to his heart beat, steady as it ever was – a closeness that reminded her of times long past. "Mana." He stopped as she shifted, taking control of her hands as she separated from him entirely, a strange cloudy calm to her eyes. "Ma melava halani. I could always could on you for that."

"Vaelia." He said, touching her face as she closed her eyes as the feeling of his warmth. "I have so much to tell you, so much to explain, ma vhenan. I can not ask that you forgive me, just that you listen."

"Ma'arlath…. tel'abelas….and I never will be, not for loving you.' She whispered. "I am trying, very hard to understand what little I already know, but I will listen – but you must promise me something."

"Ma vhenan." He said softly, and she opened her eyes, meeting his with a pained expression.

"Never to lie to me again." The words were soft and steely and she saw the wavering expression in his eyes as he saw the unwavering look reflected in hers.

"I will not, ma vhenan." He said, a decision made in his mind. The pain of being separated was nothing to the thought of having her gone forever, never again to kiss her lips or touch her face. "Will you promise the same?"

"Yes." The words came out slowly, as if guilt and regret already formed in the air they had been spoken in.

"Are you hurt, Vaeila." He asked once more, his voice harder and she shook her head. "What causes you pain?" He rephrased and saw her face drop as she touch his hand with her own, a single tear falling from her face.

"I couldn't cope when you left, I could not feel the sunshine nor taste food." Her voice was a whisper, and she touched her chest lightly as she spoke. "Never have I known such an ache, such …. loneliness. No one stayed, except Cole and Sera, and I didn't care. I wanted to die, to dissolve into nothing so I could stop the pain."

The god closed his eyes and nodded slowly, he knew all too well the feeling she was describing. He had felt like his strength had waned, despite finding a source of power to restore his magic to what it was before. The elements meant nothing, the Fade seemed darker; he missed her more than words could express. There had been a time where his focus had been so clear, an endless dream of wandering. "I was in a dream - the uthenera, for many years I slept in peace. I never imagined the thing that would wake would be…..a woman, a girl really. You shone so brightly, long before you got the mark. Your skill in magic was so strong, and you showed such strength within you." He shook his head, his own guilt flooded his mind.

"How could I have known you would be at the Conclave, the one to drive out an evil I helped cause?" He opened his eyes to meet her own, watching as she reached out to touch his face, the warm on his skin and a soft understanding smile. "I was weak and afraid, and alone. Yet there you were, the girl – a girl I cared for - I had watched from the Fade dying because of me – and then; you woke. You were frightened, yes, but – the way you looked at me at our first meeting – I almost thought you knew me, as if –

"I did, but I couldn't explain it. I just assumed it was because you had been trying to heal me." She whispered.

"You alone brought me out of the Fade, out of darkness. But I could not forget…forget what I must do….nor could I forget you, ma vhenan. I had all these speeches planned, things to make you understand, but not to forgive - I"

"Not everyone will forgive you, Sol- Fen'Harel." She said, and he chuckled wryly as he watched her stand, walking as she put her hands on her hips, the emotion and power between them overwhelming. "I made a promise, do you remember?"

"You swore to protect me from Cassandra." He said, remembering the look on her face, and feeling of true surprise at her sincerity.

"I promised to protect you Fen'Harel. And I will." He stood then, walking over to her as he put his hands on either side of her face, kissing her softly. "But there is someone else I must protect also." She whispered, and he titled his head as she stepped back. "It was in the middle of this darkness that I learn…learned - " She couldn't find the words and she reached for his hand and held it tight, and he watched as her eyes started brimming with tears. "I learned I carried something so much greater than the mark." She whispered, and he narrowed his eyes as she searched his eyes for what he was feeling, while he searched hers for a hint of what she meant. "You…. have a son."

He stiffened, something unseen moved in him; was this the reason so many spirits had clouded around her, as if they had swarmed to protect and distort his view of her. He should have known. He shook his head as she fought back the tears, covering her mouth as she watched his reaction – seeing him step closer. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her close as he closed his eyes. "We have a son."


	5. Chapter 5

**_I have been listening to way too much Disney. The songs belongs to World of Thedas: Volume 2 and Disney, respectively. _**

_"We have a son."_

_"I can hear him crying."_

_"But I left him with…_

_"Go to him, Vaeila."_

_I don't understand, I love you._

_Ma vhenan, I never meant to hurt you._

She opened her eyes to the darkness, and she sat up sluggishly and slowly; as if a weight was on her chest. Her head was fuzzy and throbbed like a misused toy. The cry of a child echoed throughout and she ran her fingers through her hair. _Stone walls._ The sigh that escaped her was heavy and weary. "A dream?" She wished she could feel the emotions as she got up. As magic glowed on her hand, she walked over to the crib. "Just…. a dream."

Vaeila watched as her baby responded happily to her hand, watching her with big green eyes. "It was so real this time…I thought…Oh Alathen." She whispered her child's name. "How strange your mother's dreams have been, ma'arlath." She gently picked up the child, making sure he was swaddled in his blanket as she held him close.

Ever since she had received word of the Grey Warden's whereabouts her dreams had become stranger, ever since she knew she must send her son away – each time her mind had brought her to a fantasy, each time the Warden was there – but each time her image changed like she was molded by the Fade. Many times she dreamt of Solas, yet not as himself – as Fen'Harel; the Dread Wolf. _More like nightmares._ She thought. Each one was different; different place, sometimes ever a different time as if a long forgotten memory was what she was experiencing.

As she smiled softly down at her baby as he started to cry once more, he stopped as he smiled up at her - making a small sound and she touched his cheek with a finger. "What is it, ma'arlath? Do you want a song?" The baby giggled, taking a hold of his mother's finger as she started to sway as she hummed.

"Elgara vallas, da'len,

Melava somniar,

mala tara aravas,

ara ma'desen melar."

She shut her eyes as she sang, a pang in her heart – Solas would never have sung a dalish lullaby to his child. "Iras ma ghilas, da'len,

Ara ma'nedan ashir,

Dirthara lothlenan'as,

bal emma mala dir."

She sang softly, kissing her baby between breathes as she tried not to remember. "Tel'enfenim, da'len,

irassal ma ghilas,

ma gares mir renan,

Ara ma'althlan vhenas. Ara ma'athlan vhenas."

The baby's yawned sleepily as she swayed around the room, a different tune stuck in the back her head. She approached the balcony slowly, careful not to go too far into the moonlight as to disrupt her

"I _know _you," She started, softly "I walked with you _…..once_ upon a dream." She remembered the first time in a Fade, his touch was as real as her dream tonight, when he watched her, saying how he felt the whole world change. She had kissed him then, impulsively, softly – and he….

"I _know_ you, that gleam I your eyes is so familiar a gleam." His smile, the way he touched the lines on her back as she drifted off to sleep, or when he wrapped his arms around her as they sat by the fire reading. The small of paint and pine, mixed with the faint meld of herbs had also comforted her in the middle of her nightmares about what had passed. The dead faces covered in red lyruim…

"And I know it's true, that visions are seldom what they seem." She felt the tear run down her face as the dream was so vivid in her mind, his touch and smile, his despair and love….a vision, a wish; that was all. She felt within her heart that she knew him, and she pined for him silently as the world turned on.

"But if I know you, I know what you'll do." But did she? Would he react like the man from her dreams? He had lied to her, who knew how many times, who was to say love was not a lie too. In her dream she had tried to be strong, to push him away and warn him of his crimes – but he had only wanted her forgiveness. She had not shouted nor tried to hurt him, she wanted his warmth and comfort. This dangerous dream, what would she give to relive it again and again – what would she give to remain frozen there.

"You'll love me at once….. the way you did once…. upon a dream." She came back from the window, walking her sleeping baby to his crib and putting him down softly. As she placed him down, she hummed the sound in her throat as words were difficult as she imagined more of him. _He would love you so, _she thought as the baby stretched out in his sleepy state. "But if I know you, I know what you'll do…. you'll love me at once….. they way you did _once_….. _upon_ a dream."

Backing away from the crib when he was settled, she walked over to the balcony as she wrapped her arms around herself as a wolf's howl echoed in the mountain, the sound chilling her to the bone as the smell of pine wafted through the room. In that moment she could almost feel his arms around her, his whispering _ma vhenan_ in her ear like it was a feather on the wind.

And like that, it was gone. She opened her eyes, she did not remember closing them. " Ar lasa maka revas." She whispered to the wind, hoping it carried to him. "I will never love again." The weight of those words as she spoke them, finally after so long the admittance of the truth – she would love him, and only him, until the end. "I suppose it is true what the Keeper told me; telanadas da'len." Vaeila mused as she leaned against the doorway. "Nothing is inevitable."


	6. Chapter 6

He knew he had to leave, logically it was the right thing to do; but simply gazing upon the image of this woman he loved, her strength had never lessoned in the years he had known her, holding a child – his child – he could not express the depth of the feeling. Her eyes were full of life, ready to strike at whatever was coming to form before her child.

As Fen'Harel watched her he wondered how so could look so much the same and yet so different. She had also been a light in the Fade, but she glowed so much brighter – stronger. Her blond hair was long, framing her heart shaped face before draping her shoulders.

How he knew those shoulders, the curve of the muscle, and the small tattoo near her collarbone to remind her of the dead at Haven. There was the scar on her neck, a wound from the Fade. He knew the scars on her back; one from a human during her crossing into Ferelden, five from encounters with humans as she travelled to Haven, one from a fall in the Hinterlands just after the Inquisition had arrived at the fighting, another from a surprise attack on the road and the largest from the destruction of Haven.

Her rib cage had three scars, faint now – from her childhood. Just over her hip was one of his favorite places, it was easy to hold her close or tickle her to laughter. How easy it would be to slip his hand to the small of her back and hold them both close to him; to let her know he never stopped loving her, never stopped thinking about her or wishing things were different.

The wind blew slightly, moving the fabric of her dress and it brought a familiar scene to his mind. _A green dress that flowed behind her as she walked up the battlements, the sun on her hair and face as she turned to talk to someone who had come up to speak with the almighty Inquisitor. _He smiled at the memory, when he used to watch her from his space – and she would look over with a smile regardless of whom she was with, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. _Secret glances, secret smiles._

He stepped forward, around the crib to her side, placing his hand on her neck as he gently touched his lips to hers. "Solas?" Vaeila whispered, her voice low and thick, and he startled – realising what he had done. She had already figured out there was someone with her, and he was sure she had seen him earlier – and once again he had acted impulsively.

He sank further back into his own power, moving away from this room as quickly as he could. The further he moved away, the stronger the pain of leaving - her repeating his name in confusion only to be met with silence.

He had a family.

A smart woman who had stood by him despite her doubt and struggle with her role in this world, constantly surprised him.

He stopped when he found himself in a familiar room, books lay on the old desk. What memories had brought him back to this place.

"_I thought I would find you here."_

_She turned, her face getting more and more tanned with every excursion – the traces of sand still lingered in her hair despite her having shed her robes earlier when the group had returned. He had been counting the days until her return, she had gone carrying traces of a fever – and she had once again avoided him upon her return. _

_Those brown eyes looked more haunted, troubled – and she did not let her gaze linger on him before she turned back to the book in her hand. This room, hidden away below the main floors of Skyhold, held many books and scrolls that had long left unread. The chair too was ancient, yet showed little signs of decay – as if protected down in this far off place within the sanctuary. Vaeila sat with her legs tucked under her, a book flat open on her lap as she leaned on her arm which rested on the table – her cheek sitting in the palm of her hand while her right hand turned the pages. _

_"Did you enjoy the Western Approach?" He asked as he circled the table, noting the items which had been cleared of the dust, and subtle way in which she watched him as he walked; if he was anyone else he would not have noticed. _

_And still she did not respond. _

_"Are you ill Inquisitor?" He asked softly, clasping his hands behind his back as he stopped in front of her, looking down at the title of the book with an indifferent expression. She moved her lips slightly, not enough to indicate speech but it stirred those particular feelings. How soft those lips were, how smooth her jaw – the smell of herbs on her hair that lingered in his mind. Sixteen weeks, sixteen long weeks, had passed and still the kiss was ever in his mind. "I did not know you had an interest in Tevinter History." He commented on the book and she looked up at him slowly, the misty formations in her eyes startled him. _

_And for once he honestly didn't know what to say. _

_She closed the book gently, sitting up straight as she placed the book on the desk next to her, shaking her head as she wiped her eyes; a nervous smile danced on her lips. "Five weeks away and I've become the Inquisitor again." Vaeila crossed her arms, keeping them snug against her tunic. "I can't win, can I?" She looked away, swallowing back whatever emotions where rising there. "You'd think sixteen weeks would be enough time." She whispered to herself, but he heard her – he never thought she would have forgotten, nor voice her pain. _

_"Vaeila." Reaching out he touched her neck, moving his finger to the base of her spine where he knew pressure would be. She leaned into his hand as his fingers massaged, and he could feel her relax slowly. As her gaze moved back to him, he offered a smile and she fought the smile forming in return. It was a moment – the eye contact and the pull from both their souls drawing them in – he could not help it. _

_Once more he could not drive away this feeling._

_He leaned in, lowering his lips to hers._

_This time she smelled of sand and salt, but her lips were still as soft as they has been in the Fade; and she tasted like the peach dessert Josephine had ordered. _

_Time seemed to still like calm water under a setting sun, the candles casting their shadows on the wall. _

_He felt her hand on the side of his face, drawing in him in both safety and danger – or something in-between. He pulled her up gently, breaking the kiss to tuck a strand behind her ear. She had a slight red to her cheeks, a bashful smile playing on her lips as she made a noise; it made him smile. _

_She was the only thing worth protecting in this world. _

_He felt the frown forming, the crease in his brow – what was worth more; duty or love? _

_"You are regretting again." Vaeila stated, withdrawing her hand from his face as she backed away. As she turned he watched the movement of her tunic, and the inescapable feeling he was going to regret not being with her._

Fen'Harel sighed, returning himself to the place where he slept. As he woke he turned his head to look at the Eluvian that sat nearby. Sometimes he imagined seeing _her_ come through, the look on her face, the draw of her dark brown eyes, the smell of her hair or the softness of her lips. "Halam'shivanas." He muttered with contempt.


End file.
